What Do You Think This Is?

  

I don’t want to seem like a random man bashing woman.  That is not the reason why I write these thoughts down.  I get at women as well because in A LOT of relationship situations, it is not always the man’s fault.  However, sometimes it is, and although this does not apply to EVERY man, I am sure it applies to at least one that you know.

It is a shame that the upcoming generation of men feel like they don’t have to take responsibility for any of their actions.  Be it cheating, lying, having a kid and denying it or not taking care of them; these have all become socially acceptable behaviors.  IDK WTF you think this is, but that is NOT acceptable behavior.  If you don’t want a child with the woman you are sleeping with, and you are man enough and adult enough to make the decision to put ur penis inside her and move around vigorously until YOU are finished (cause usually the men I am about to speak of are not even remotely concerned with HER being finished) you need to be man enough and adult enough to make a decision to put on a condom beforehand.  It is VERY simple.  She won’t be offended, she will appreciate that you know you are too much of an asshole to parent someone else and don’t want to put her in a bad situation.  Taking care of children is a full time, brakeless, vacation-less, PTO-less job that immediately EMPTIES ur pockets from the day you start – do you know how much it actually costs to have a baby? – Despite what you may have been taught, you may get the milk without buying the cow, but the calf needs to be fed, and that is YOUR responsibility too.  Now, for those of you that have hood rat and trailer trash baby mothers (S/N…why are white women trailer trash and black women hood rats?? Do people think there are no white people in the hood??...Im just sayin) THAT IS YOUR FAULT.  Do not disrespect the mother of your child in front of other people just because she is a hood booger.  She was a hood booger when you were running up in her with NO CONDOM. What did you think was going to happen?  So now she has a baby and because she has 6 colors in her weave you feel like you aren’t supposed to do your part as a father.  Wrong answer.

So let’s address support.  Food, clothing and shelter are the things that most child support is to be used for.  In some instances it is for the extracurricular activities of your child depending on their age.  If you don’t pay, how do you think that child gets taken care of?? That’s right…very good!...their MOTHER does it.  So with that being said, when you are finally forced to pay something to the mother of your child to help with whatever she needs to pay, if she takes $20 of your $100, which is the only money you have sent in 5 years, and gets her nails done, you mind your FUCKING BUSINESS! If she had waited on that $20 from you to feed your child, they would both be dead. Take care of your responsibilities, or don’t create them.  There are some women that don’t bother with support.  All they ask for is assistance when they need it.  Pick up the kids, drop the kids off, split gymnastics fees, pay for karate gear, help pay for summer camp.  These are the ones that would rather do it alone than beg a grown man to do what he’s supposed to do.  Yet and still you insist that she looks for and seeks out the most expensive activities she can find, just to piss you off.  Are you kidding me?

If you don’t want to spend the next 25 years of your life being responsible for someone other than yourself, you should invest in Trojan or Lifestyle.  Be very careful who you choose as the other parent to your child.  You will have to communicate on some level with them for the rest of your life, and if “swagger” and Jordan’s are most important things in that person’s life, you should probably get different materials to make that bed before you lay in it.

Learn To Let Go!

So you get married; you have a baby the relationship doesn’t work out, and either you leave or he leaves.  The institution of marriage isn’t respected the way it used to be.  Nowadays, people get married just to say they have a husband or a wife.  Not to be a team and live a life together and WORK THROUGH whatever issues may come about.  Instead they get divorced and brag about having an ex husband or wife and what an asshole/bitch they are.

Then there is my favorite type of exes.  The ones that are still married because one or the other doesn’t want to “give you” a divorce.  Explain to me what you are holding on to?  If you and this other person have decided that you cannot live as husband and wife, that they do not want to be with you and they have moved on, what is the REASON for staying married?  Do you know how crazy that makes you look to fight tooth and nail for someone that is blatantly telling you to beat your feet? If you and your husband break up and he moves out, gets his own place, sees the kids when he is supposed to, gets a girlfriend and moves on with his life, CLEARLY that means he doesn’t want to “work on ur marriage”.  At this point you should be over it and you should have moved on.  Instead you are doing everything in your power to make his life more difficult.  Understand that this only makes the situation worse and cements his decision.  If this man wanted to be with you, he would not be in a relationship with someone else.  Period.  He has his OWN place, pays separate rent and is in the bed with someone else on a regular basis.  These are not the makings of a husband.

Ladies you need to let go and move on.  It is tiring and exhausting to fight for someone that doesn’t want to be with you, and you look like the psychotic needy disgruntled ex-employee.  If you have children, the only thing you need to do is make sure that man does what he needs to do for his kids, and if he doesn’t either you go to the courts or you do it yourself.  Do you think that you NOT giving him a divorce is going to make him leave the woman he is with?  And while we are on the topic, let me make this clear.  Unless the woman he is sleeping with is your friend, or someone that knows you, she is NOT, I repeat NOT a home wrecker.  The only person in the equation that owes you anything or needs to explain anything to you is your husband. It is HE that needs to respect your marriage, not her.  You need to let it go.  Do you think you can’t get another man?  You can, and you can probably marry another one in the space of 6 months if having a husband is that important to you.   

Don’t Be a BabyMuva

These days, being a single mother is as normal as the street getting wet when it rains.  Unfortunately it’s also normal for women to behave like a “Babymuva”.  For those of you that are unaware let me enlighten you. A “Babymuva”...simply put…is usually an angry woman that can’t get over the fact that she and the father of her child aren't together.  She is usually jealous and bitter about any and everything he does.  She makes a scene at every given opportunity and tells the entire world that he is NO GOOD despite what he does or doesn't do for his children.  She will usually demand that any time he spends with his child involves her, money and/or sex, and when he refuses, she goes on a tirade about how he doesn't do anything for his children.  Then you have the ones that KEEP a man (other than the father of her child) and have that child call every man she is with “daddy” or “uncle”.  She gets child support, and spends it on hair, nails, and shoes and tells everyone “he only gives me $XXX.XX” every two weeks WTF am I supposed to do with that”.  Some babymuvas will tell you over and over that they left him.  That they are not together because she doesn't want to be with him and she is usually fine with not being with her child(rens) father, UNTIL HE GETS A GIRLFRIEND.  That is when the random any time of day calls start because she thinks she is entitled to call whenever she wants because she has his baby.  The girlfriend is immediately a bitch, she is immediately ugly, and he IMMEDIATELY can’t see his children.  She makes pick-ups and drop offs impossible and everything is an argument. 

The best way to avoid this ladies; Always Be Prepared!!!

Just like if you are going to move into a new apartment or a house, you will not sign a lease for an apartment you can’t afford ALONE; even if you have a Significant Other.  Despite you and a man being together before and after conception, make sure that you are willing to raise your child alone if you have to.  That doesn't mean that you throw in his face during every argument “I don’t need you”.  It just means that you will not be devastated and use your child to get back at him if the relationship doesn't work.  No matter what you do, you cannot change your child’s DNA and NOTHING you do will change the fact that you have a child from this man.  It IS hard, and you usually DON’T get a break.  However, if you keep the peace with him he will come and get his kids, even if it’s for a few hours.  Do you know what you can DO in a few hours by yourself?  How about you start with an uninterrupted shower!

Even if he is a tool and does NOTHING for your kids, your being nasty to him is NOT going to make him be a better father.  All it does is cause you stress give you wrinkles and make the situation worse than it already is.  It is a waste of energy.  Just because you have his child does NOT mean he is going to be with YOU forever.  Take all of that anger and go to the gym, run, work that baby weight off if you still have it.  Focus on YOU.  Focus on being a great mother.  Focus on building a support system so that you don’t NEED him. Thank him for your blessing and his DNA and move on.  Don’t waste a bunch of time trying to keep someone that doesn't want to be kept.  If he did, you would be together.

Don’t be a BabyMuva.