Mama's Baby..

It’s funny how when a man doesn't take care of his children or pay child support he is a deadbeat.  There are stories written movies made laws passed that say that a man has a responsibility from birth to take care of his children financially even if he isn't going to be there for them physically.  He gets visitation rights, and when he doesn’t show up for his visits with his children it goes to the judge.  When he doesn't pay his support, he goes to jail and loses his driver’s license.  When he has MORE kids and doesn’t take care of them either, he turns around and doesn’t work, therefore giving an excuse for not supporting his children.  The judges and lawyers do what they can within the limits of the law to make a man do what he is supposed to do for his children down to months of incarceration trying to teach him a lesson.  It usually doesn’t work, he gets out and STILL doesn’t take care of his kids.  You’ve heard it all before…right? 

What about when it’s the mother? What about when you have a woman that has a child or two from a man, decides that she doesn’t want to be with this man for whatever reason, leaves, and leaves him with his kids.  Shouldn’t she have to pay child support too?  When she doesn’t, why isn’t she a deadbeat?  She is pushing something hot..$300 worth of weave down her back shacked up with a hustler or a dope boy (because to me only ghetto hood trash would stay fly and not take care of their children) and constantly telling her children NO to coming to her house, spending the night, or anything that entails her spending any money.  Yet she is free to walk the streets worry free of court dates and jail time.  Just like there are men that don’t take care of their children, there are also single fathers out there raising their children by themselves.  They may be few and far between, but they exist.  

There are men with and without college degrees doing what they have to do to keep a roof over their heads and the heads of their kids.  Some of them struggle just as much as a single mother does trying to balance work/school/home, pay bills and still keep their kids looking decent.  There are men that do laundry and change the sheets, do all the cooking and the cleaning, learn to do ponytails and clean up vomit.  Ones that have changed and paid for EVERY single pamper their child has ever worn; ones that wipe the tears of their teenage daughters after her first heartbreak, and explain the emotions of a woman, when his teenage son doesn’t understand why his girlfriend cries. There are men…that raise their kids alone.  What I don’t understand is why the courts don’t go after these deadbeat ass broads the way they will a man.  Why does it seem like a woman is given leniency when it comes to providing for her children?  Aside from that, how do you as a woman, and able bodied woman, do nothing for your children?  No Christmas, no birthdays, no special occasions... no school clothes, school supplies, nothing.  You push them off on their father, don’t spend any time with them, and shun all of their efforts to want to be with you. 

You...young lady…are the definition of a Lame Ass Bitch

You are just as responsible for raising these kids as their father is.  If you can’t do it financially, fine.  Being there emotionally and physically for your child is FREE and truth be told that means more to them than anything else.  Bad mouthing their father in front of them only makes you look like the bitter lame ass hood squirrel you are.  If their father is such a no good nothing then 1) why did you lay down with him (because he didn't JUST become a no good nothing) and 2) why are you not taking on the responsibility to make up for what he’s not doing? I will never understand any woman that doesn't do what she has to and sacrifice what she must in order to make sure her kids are taken care of.

Then these broads turn around and have more kids.  The NEW baby gets the sun the moon and the stars while her other children are eating oodles of noodles every night.  Do you think your child doesn't recognize favoritism?  People always say that children need their fathers.  Children need their mothers too.  Girls learn how to love themselves and be loved by others by watching their mother. A boy first love is always his mother, and she is usually his resource for the definition of a good woman.  If you choose to run the streets behind shiftless men that mean you no good, how do you expect your daughter to love herself any more than you do?  If you aren't there to nurture your boys, when they finally fall in love, one of two things is going to happen.  Either they will love a woman that treats them like shit, or they will love a woman in the unhealthiest way, and treat HER like shit.  That will be YOUR fault.  Your kids won’t know any better because you aren't there for them.  This same woman will say ‘well, I can’t teach a boy how to be a man’.  Yes you can.  My President was raised by a single white woman.  She raised a GOOD black man.  There is no reason you can’t do it too.  If you choose not to, you shouldn’t be surprised when your girls don’t want to be anything like you, and your boys don’t want to marry anyone like you.

Our Father...

When it comes to religion, I usually mind my business.  I believe what I believe and love MY relationship with the God I believe in.  I do not knock anyone else’s beliefs nor do I frown upon what I don’t understand.  I have Jewish friends, Catholic friends, Muslim friends, Atheist friends, Buddhists ...you name it…I have had at least a conversation with them.  However, most of my friends and family are Christians.  Therefore, a lot of my thoughts and beliefs and morals and prayers are Christian based.  I don’t go to church, unless I feel like it, and if it behooves me to wear jeans and a T-Shirt that particular Sunday, I am confident that God won’t love me any less.  As a matter of fact, I usually have conversations with Him in my pajamas, so I am pretty sure He is JUST happy that I got dressed.

What bothers me though, are Sunday Christians.  A Sunday Christian is the person that is a sinner Monday through Saturday, and the holiest of holy rollers on Sunday.  Falling out in the aisle, crying their eyes out, speaking in tongues Hallelujah Thank You Jesus ALL MORNING, and then they leave church get in their car and cuss somebody to the floor. The kind of people that play the role of a perfect Christian leader when the lights are on; sharp suits and polished shoes when the sun is out, and as soon as night falls they are in drag insisting you call them Vanessa.  The ones that stand at the podium in front of the congregation jumping up and down shoutin’ and sweatin’ singin’ and dancin’ shuckin’ and jivin’, telling everyone in there the things that are wrong in their life and what they need to do to make it right and be right with “GAWD-UH”, but have 3 separate court dates with 3 separate women, none of whom are or have ever been his wife, for child support hearings.  Or the ones who are respected, by so many people in the community, because they have no idea that your wife and your mistress are sitting in the same row watching you.  

If you are going to be a devout Christian, if that is a life you are going to lead then by all means lead it. I know a few, so I have an idea of what it should look like.   If you, however, are going to throw the bible at me no matter what I bring to you for conversation and at the end of the day you go home and covet another man’s wife on a daily basis, I am going to need you to get ALL THE WAY out of my face with that.  You can’t be serious.  How in the world are you going to lead a reckless life and tell me what I should do in order to be accepted in your world?  It’s not just Christian leaders though.  It is the bible pushing “my way is the right way” Christians that are basically the reason I don’t go to church.  All of the cliques and gossip is absolutely ridiculous.  When someone new enters a church, and is looking to join.  You would think that they would be embraced because they have decided to make God a permanent part of their life and accept Him as their Lord and savior.  Instead, you are met with stares and glares about what you are wearing.  How you live your life and who you are dating.  If you don’t choose the right clique you are talked about and singled out and ostracized. Why would anyone want to be a part of that? 

There is usually a ringleader and the ringleader is usually the worst one.  If it’s is a man, he is usually gay.  Most straight men don’t do gossip.  This gay man is usually very into his faith, knows the bible well, has a great wardrobe and can sing.  He is always in someone else’s business and tells everything he knows.  He will befriend new comers to the church, but this is typically to find out everything he can about you, so that he can take it to the other church hens and decide whether or not you will fit into their clique.  He is the decision maker and usually has secret passageways in the closet where his skeletons are kept, otherwise they would systematically fall out every time he opened his mouth.  Now if the ringleader is a woman, simply put, she is usually making up for the fact that she is in a loveless sexless marriage with a man she is cheating on or is cheating on her.  She is usually very pretty and helpful and sweet on Sundays, but is a flaming bitch Monday thru Saturday because she is miserable at home.

 I love God as much as the next man and the relationship you have with Him is one that needs only to be understood by you and Him.  To me there is no right or wrong way to praise whatever God you believe in or don’t believe in for that matter.  What is wrong; is to tell someone they are going to hell for not living the way YOU think they should. 

No Matter How Much Sugar….

A lot of times when you meet a man, by nature, they only tell you pieces of their story.  They will tell you they have kids but not how many baby mothers.  They will tell you they have kids, but not that they are still SLEEPING with their baby mother.  They will tell you that they work, but not that it’s at McDonald's.  They will tell you that they drive, but not that it’s a friend’s car.  Sometimes they sugar coat the truth to get what they are looking for, and since good men seem to be so hard to come by when it sounds good you go for it. Most of the things you are told, once you find out the truth they are things you can work through.  You can encourage him to get a better job and you can help him find and purchase his own car.  But there is one detail…one element…one story…that is the same every time: I’m still married, and we live together, and but we aren't “together”.  I sleep on the couch.

THIS IS ALWAYS BULLSHIT

Most of the time a man will tell you this because he wants to sleep with you.  He tells you what you want to hear to make you feel like you are giving him something he isn't getting at home.  He tells you all of the things he and his wife have been through and tries to make you think that she is insanely ungrateful for all of the wonderful things he has done for her and all of the good times they shared.  He tries to make you feel like ALL of those things are on the table for you.  While he is doing this you begin to go above and beyond to show him that you are the better choice.  That you would never do the things she does and that he would be happier and have the “wife” of his dreams with you.  You need to know that there is a 97% chance that this is NEVER going to happen.

Men Don’t Leave Their Wives.  Understand what I am saying.  If you accept that he is married and that he still lives with his wife and you believe he sleeps on the couch and you accept that you can’t talk to him after a certain time because he is at home…why WOULD he leave his wife?  You are a mistress.  There is a chance that his wife knows about you and doesn't care, but more than likely she doesn't.  She is usually unaware of the “problems” in her marriage because to her they are non-existent.  The man that you love, that is selling you a bridge in Brooklyn, is cheating on his wife with you.  Why do you think that all the places you go with him are so discreet?  You think he’s being romantic?  What is wrong with you?  He is HIDING you from everyone that knows he’s married, everyone that knows his wife, everyone that knows his parents, everyone.  Of course you met his friends.  His friends are going to keep his secret and believe that having mistress is ok just like he does.  He is NEVER going to marry you.  9 times out of 10 the only way you will end up with that man is if his wife puts his ass out and he has nowhere to go.  This doesn't mean you win.  This means you get something that someone else didn't want. No matter how good a used car looks on the outside, someone else got rid of that shit for a reason.  I will run GREAT for the first few months, and then every time you turn around, you are at the mechanic crying about what a good car you thought you had… better than every car before it…bigger engine…smoother ride.  Not So Much.

Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.  A man that lives in the house with his wife despite their issues is still living as man and wife with this woman.  Anything and everything he does with you shows his lack of respect for you, his wife, his marriage and women in general.  This the way he is and he is NOT going to change for you.  No matter how much sugar you  pour on shit…Don’t waste time waiting for someone else’s husband to treat you like a wife.

What Do You Think This Is?

  

I don’t want to seem like a random man bashing woman.  That is not the reason why I write these thoughts down.  I get at women as well because in A LOT of relationship situations, it is not always the man’s fault.  However, sometimes it is, and although this does not apply to EVERY man, I am sure it applies to at least one that you know.

It is a shame that the upcoming generation of men feel like they don’t have to take responsibility for any of their actions.  Be it cheating, lying, having a kid and denying it or not taking care of them; these have all become socially acceptable behaviors.  IDK WTF you think this is, but that is NOT acceptable behavior.  If you don’t want a child with the woman you are sleeping with, and you are man enough and adult enough to make the decision to put ur penis inside her and move around vigorously until YOU are finished (cause usually the men I am about to speak of are not even remotely concerned with HER being finished) you need to be man enough and adult enough to make a decision to put on a condom beforehand.  It is VERY simple.  She won’t be offended, she will appreciate that you know you are too much of an asshole to parent someone else and don’t want to put her in a bad situation.  Taking care of children is a full time, brakeless, vacation-less, PTO-less job that immediately EMPTIES ur pockets from the day you start – do you know how much it actually costs to have a baby? – Despite what you may have been taught, you may get the milk without buying the cow, but the calf needs to be fed, and that is YOUR responsibility too.  Now, for those of you that have hood rat and trailer trash baby mothers (S/N…why are white women trailer trash and black women hood rats?? Do people think there are no white people in the hood??...Im just sayin) THAT IS YOUR FAULT.  Do not disrespect the mother of your child in front of other people just because she is a hood booger.  She was a hood booger when you were running up in her with NO CONDOM. What did you think was going to happen?  So now she has a baby and because she has 6 colors in her weave you feel like you aren’t supposed to do your part as a father.  Wrong answer.

So let’s address support.  Food, clothing and shelter are the things that most child support is to be used for.  In some instances it is for the extracurricular activities of your child depending on their age.  If you don’t pay, how do you think that child gets taken care of?? That’s right…very good!...their MOTHER does it.  So with that being said, when you are finally forced to pay something to the mother of your child to help with whatever she needs to pay, if she takes $20 of your $100, which is the only money you have sent in 5 years, and gets her nails done, you mind your FUCKING BUSINESS! If she had waited on that $20 from you to feed your child, they would both be dead. Take care of your responsibilities, or don’t create them.  There are some women that don’t bother with support.  All they ask for is assistance when they need it.  Pick up the kids, drop the kids off, split gymnastics fees, pay for karate gear, help pay for summer camp.  These are the ones that would rather do it alone than beg a grown man to do what he’s supposed to do.  Yet and still you insist that she looks for and seeks out the most expensive activities she can find, just to piss you off.  Are you kidding me?

If you don’t want to spend the next 25 years of your life being responsible for someone other than yourself, you should invest in Trojan or Lifestyle.  Be very careful who you choose as the other parent to your child.  You will have to communicate on some level with them for the rest of your life, and if “swagger” and Jordan’s are most important things in that person’s life, you should probably get different materials to make that bed before you lay in it.

Learn To Let Go!

So you get married; you have a baby the relationship doesn’t work out, and either you leave or he leaves.  The institution of marriage isn’t respected the way it used to be.  Nowadays, people get married just to say they have a husband or a wife.  Not to be a team and live a life together and WORK THROUGH whatever issues may come about.  Instead they get divorced and brag about having an ex husband or wife and what an asshole/bitch they are.

Then there is my favorite type of exes.  The ones that are still married because one or the other doesn’t want to “give you” a divorce.  Explain to me what you are holding on to?  If you and this other person have decided that you cannot live as husband and wife, that they do not want to be with you and they have moved on, what is the REASON for staying married?  Do you know how crazy that makes you look to fight tooth and nail for someone that is blatantly telling you to beat your feet? If you and your husband break up and he moves out, gets his own place, sees the kids when he is supposed to, gets a girlfriend and moves on with his life, CLEARLY that means he doesn’t want to “work on ur marriage”.  At this point you should be over it and you should have moved on.  Instead you are doing everything in your power to make his life more difficult.  Understand that this only makes the situation worse and cements his decision.  If this man wanted to be with you, he would not be in a relationship with someone else.  Period.  He has his OWN place, pays separate rent and is in the bed with someone else on a regular basis.  These are not the makings of a husband.

Ladies you need to let go and move on.  It is tiring and exhausting to fight for someone that doesn’t want to be with you, and you look like the psychotic needy disgruntled ex-employee.  If you have children, the only thing you need to do is make sure that man does what he needs to do for his kids, and if he doesn’t either you go to the courts or you do it yourself.  Do you think that you NOT giving him a divorce is going to make him leave the woman he is with?  And while we are on the topic, let me make this clear.  Unless the woman he is sleeping with is your friend, or someone that knows you, she is NOT, I repeat NOT a home wrecker.  The only person in the equation that owes you anything or needs to explain anything to you is your husband. It is HE that needs to respect your marriage, not her.  You need to let it go.  Do you think you can’t get another man?  You can, and you can probably marry another one in the space of 6 months if having a husband is that important to you.   

Don’t Be a BabyMuva

These days, being a single mother is as normal as the street getting wet when it rains.  Unfortunately it’s also normal for women to behave like a “Babymuva”.  For those of you that are unaware let me enlighten you. A “Babymuva”...simply put…is usually an angry woman that can’t get over the fact that she and the father of her child aren't together.  She is usually jealous and bitter about any and everything he does.  She makes a scene at every given opportunity and tells the entire world that he is NO GOOD despite what he does or doesn't do for his children.  She will usually demand that any time he spends with his child involves her, money and/or sex, and when he refuses, she goes on a tirade about how he doesn't do anything for his children.  Then you have the ones that KEEP a man (other than the father of her child) and have that child call every man she is with “daddy” or “uncle”.  She gets child support, and spends it on hair, nails, and shoes and tells everyone “he only gives me $XXX.XX” every two weeks WTF am I supposed to do with that”.  Some babymuvas will tell you over and over that they left him.  That they are not together because she doesn't want to be with him and she is usually fine with not being with her child(rens) father, UNTIL HE GETS A GIRLFRIEND.  That is when the random any time of day calls start because she thinks she is entitled to call whenever she wants because she has his baby.  The girlfriend is immediately a bitch, she is immediately ugly, and he IMMEDIATELY can’t see his children.  She makes pick-ups and drop offs impossible and everything is an argument. 

The best way to avoid this ladies; Always Be Prepared!!!

Just like if you are going to move into a new apartment or a house, you will not sign a lease for an apartment you can’t afford ALONE; even if you have a Significant Other.  Despite you and a man being together before and after conception, make sure that you are willing to raise your child alone if you have to.  That doesn't mean that you throw in his face during every argument “I don’t need you”.  It just means that you will not be devastated and use your child to get back at him if the relationship doesn't work.  No matter what you do, you cannot change your child’s DNA and NOTHING you do will change the fact that you have a child from this man.  It IS hard, and you usually DON’T get a break.  However, if you keep the peace with him he will come and get his kids, even if it’s for a few hours.  Do you know what you can DO in a few hours by yourself?  How about you start with an uninterrupted shower!

Even if he is a tool and does NOTHING for your kids, your being nasty to him is NOT going to make him be a better father.  All it does is cause you stress give you wrinkles and make the situation worse than it already is.  It is a waste of energy.  Just because you have his child does NOT mean he is going to be with YOU forever.  Take all of that anger and go to the gym, run, work that baby weight off if you still have it.  Focus on YOU.  Focus on being a great mother.  Focus on building a support system so that you don’t NEED him. Thank him for your blessing and his DNA and move on.  Don’t waste a bunch of time trying to keep someone that doesn't want to be kept.  If he did, you would be together.

Don’t be a BabyMuva.